A Letter to Women

Dear Women,

I acknowledge the pain and suffering you have experienced, often at the hands of men. The oppression, the abuse physical and sexual, the violence, the burning at the stake, the rape and the degradation of your sexuality. On behalf of men’s nation I apologise unreservedly for our part in the countless atrocities you have suffered at the hands of men, or structures created by men.

I also acknowledge the subtle misogyny, objectification, sexualisation and threat of violence or aggression you experience every day and apologise for this too.

As a man and on behalf of my part men’s nation I take full responsibility for my part in this however large or small, now or at any other time in the future or past. I stand naked in my truth in full honour of you and everything women represent to me and say this:

PLEASE FORGIVE ME, I AM SORRY, THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU

I apologise for the “patriarchal” nightmare playing out that has robbed true women and men alike of their power. I also invite you to move beyond this paradigm we call “patriarchy” and recognise that it is about the abuse of power, regardless of whether  the perpetrator or victim is a woman or man. Yes you can blame men or seek to direct your anger at men and our lineage but this will only serve to deepen the wounding between us and perpetuate the old story.

The time has come for a new paradigm that moves beyond this battle of genders and sees that we both are one. I invite you to recognise the ways that we have wounded each other, and take full ownership for our part in it. To move beyond the notion that women have been more wronged or men have been more wronged and see the simple truth that we both have deep wounds that need healing. Only by coming together with great empathy and compassion and loving each other can we receive what we each need to heal and transform ourselves on the inside, and our social structures on the outside.

I wish you well in your journey into power and magnificence and pray that you reach your fullest expression. I humbly ask that I may be invited to accompany you on the ride

As a companion who will do everything within his power to provide and protect you…

….who can be the banks of your river as you bring life giving flow to the land on the way to the ocean

…who can help to harness your highest dreams and visions and ground them with purpose

…and who can lay down everything he has in service of thriving life.

My heart yearns to be the consciousness that you trust to bare witness to your astounding and radiant beauty.

 

 

Battle cry for the wild masculine

There resides within men a sleeping giant… he is a dark and wild creature full of power and potential. I believe that accompanied by his feminine counterpart, together they can become an unstoppable force of love in action that can save the world.

His savage history is littered with atrocities that have wrought tremendous damage and brought unspeakable shame upon the masculine psyche. Right now he suffers from chronic repression and denial. But denying him is futile and can lead to perverted and unhealthy expressions of his magnificence.

He has always been here, he is here now, and he always will be.

He is uninhibited and boundless, unashamedly powerful, penetrating, passionate, loving and free. He is willing to face death for the sake of freedom, the outraged warrior who will march to certain oblivion in defence of truth and virtue … and he is waking up.

At the risk of offending some, I am going to be brutal and visceral here…

At times I feel a powerful and instinctive urge to either fuck or kill. This lizard brain emerges and I am ensconced in its skin. It is as much a feeling in the body as it is a thought in the mind.

I am ready to take any female that catches my eye and drag her into the cave. Testosterone is raging and there is an innate impulse to merge and explode into freedom from constraint, the “little death” that sets me free of the unbearable angst of being alive.

I am ready to kill. I can feel the primal animal underneath ready to snarl and fight it out to the death with anyone who poses a threat to my woman and children.

I am ready to hunt, prey and feed on any creature in my path that will nourish my tribe.

I do not act upon his every ravenous impulse. Instead, I endeavour to master and use this energy, to breathe him in, circulating his energy within my body, opening my heart and appreciating the source that inspired him to arise. Attempting to move the energy away from my head or my tail, to offer it back through the heart with love, honour and respect. When I successfully achieve this I am charged and enlivened with purpose and presence. But he is a wild stallion and it is easy to fall off, collapsing into anger or fantasy.

Any man with a masculine essence knows this beast. He is a dark and primal part of men, with deep roots in our evolution tracing back through the millennia. Indeed he may have served us well up until a few minutes ago in evolutionary time. He can even serve us well still if we can learn to harness his wild energy.

I often feel a deep shame around his energy. Through my own self judgement as much as the fear of how others will judge me. It has been deeply uncomfortable for me to share this with you.

There is a dense and heavy cultural baggage attached to this wild, potent masculine force and like me, I suspect every man feels the burden. So manifold are the horrors perpetrated by his dark energy that he is widely shunned and reviled as a force of evil and destruction. The war, the rape, the pillage and the patriarchal nightmare that is responsible for oppressing both women and men.

Men feel the pain and suffering of these violations deeply whilst at the same time having to recognise that we are capable of being the perpetrator. This weighs heavily on our collective conscious, even though as individuals, we may never have been directly responsible.

Yet I know that he is also a source of great power. When a man is able to stand comfortably in his dark masculine and bring his heart to it… this is truly a divine gift.

The rapist becomes the ravisher who loves his woman deeply with wild abandon.

The warmonger becomes the noble samurai who will put everything on the line, facing death to protect his family or to defend truth and freedom.

Let me tell you another secret… your woman will revel in his strength and virility! A man who can relax into his dark masculine energy whilst holding a deep heart connection with his lover can give and receive many exquisite gifts…

As much as he can love and adore her with integrity, and to his full capacity, she can trust him.

As much as he can feel into her deepest longing and desires, she can reveal them to him.

As much as he can probe deeply into her soft heart with sensitivity, penetrating through the layers, she may yield in pleasurable surrender.

As much as he can feel out from his heart into hers, responding to her subtle signals, whilst expressing fully his primal lustfulness, she can meet him with her wantonness or dare him further.

And if he worships her, kneeling before her in absolute devotion and service, she may merge with him fully, opening so completely that he no longer knows where he ends and she begins.

Don’t take my word for any of this, I wholeheartedly encourage men everywhere to embrace his power and discover these exquisite gifts!

The time is ripe for this wild masculine energy to emerge in men to protect our global tribe from the forces that threaten us. It is time to obliterate the patriarchal nightmare unfolding before us that threatens our freedom, our indigenous peoples, our eco systems and our very survival as a species.

This is a battle cry for the masculine to stand up and fight for justice, to defend the rights of the vulnerable, our children and future generations. The battle is within the hearts of men & woman everywhere and the battle ground is the heart of humanity.

Women are you ready to exalt this dark warrior of the heart?

Men are you ready to embody him?

The freedom drum is pounding and he is waking up, ready to dance with his divine goddess the wild feminine.  It is a dance that burns with furious outrage and fierce compassion.

The power and energy that flows between them can destroy the illusion of power, greed, exploitation and separation with a love that knows no beginning and no end.

Breathwork

My breath washes gently back and forth

Mind fading like a name scribbled in sand

the waves gently ebbing and flowing

Deeper… dissolving… immersing

My heart echoes  the beating spirit drum

Quickening… pounding

Sinking into the shadow I succumb,

To a dark, dense nasty orb of angst

tense in my chest and viscous in my throat

Howling, grunting and moaning

I strain with every nerve and sinew

To purge it with a bitter taste

Contraction bursts wide open

Unbound from the darkness

Over pouring with power and presence

The surge of energy spontaneous

I am vital, alive and fearless

I am Invincible

Then something subtler stirs

I am alone, a baby crying helplessly,

Sobbing deeply

Surrendering to a primal fear

Within my weary soul is released

cheeks streaming with tears

And from deep within my belly is relieved

Again the heart beat quickens with the drum

Dumdum dumdum dumdum

I am summoned to the other world

A deeply psychedelic place

One that I have known and feared

All consciousness is unity

Non dual singularity

The whole circus has disappeared

Dying to self

I am utterly alone

Timeless, deathless, darkness

But this time I am ready

I am breathing in deep water

Diving into these worlds

Floundering, remembering, swimming

And returning to share the way

Expecting… and the unexpected

Well what a wild, intense and wonderful adventure I have been on…

 Learning to let go of what cannot be controlled as our baby’s due date passes by 9 days

Holding space for mum through those emotional 9 days where it seems the medical system throws one curve ball after another at my expecting wife…

…of course we are already at bursting point teetering on the verge of a new life arriving to blow our hearts wide open!

 Some  indescribably precious and beautiful moments in those last 9 days as a family of 3 that I hold so dear. Those days are gone now, but a part of me misses them, or rather bathes in the nostalgia, some of the happiest days of my life.

 The trepidation and excitement as labor commences…

My goddess is more feminine, more open, more powerful and more beautiful than i have ever seen her.

The scene is perfect, mum gazing out into the garden at the full moon, the room softly lit by candles, the music even softer. Every tiny prickle of my presence is alert and filled with the energy of love and action.

 My disappointment as our home birth team lets us down is almost unbearable. I am outraged, angry and move to the other room to communicate it very clearly. Our midwife will call me back the other midwife says.

 I do  my best to hold the space for her, to protect her from the situation. We are caught in two worlds.

We are ready, our home is set up perfectly, what am I to do?

As my mind races she demonstrates exactly what to do, surrendering to the process of bringing life into the world. It is beautiful, a peak experience but my mind is ravaged by the uncertainty and confusion of the situation.

An intense half hour passes before the phone rings, I step into the other room. Again I am disappointed and angry…

 …another intense birthing wave… “breathe honey, you are doing wonderfully”

 the caregivers I expecting, no depending upon to come and support our birth are not coming…

…another intense contraction… “breathe my goddess, you are amazing”

 it is too late to drive to the hospital…

 …another intense wave… “breathe baby you are doing wonderfully”

 the setting is perfect, mum is in deep trance birthing our child…

 …another wave of intensity… “breathe baby you know exactly what to do”

 My instincts scream out that I should let it all disappear and birth the baby myself…

 …another intense contraction… “Keep breathing, you are incredible”

 No one else is coming what the fuck am I supposed to do?

what if mum or baby require someone with expertise?

it could save their life, they are so, so, so, so precious.

 “breathe baby you are absolutely amazing”… that  wave was a really powerful one

 …I call the ambulance, they will not let me off the phone. I do everything within my power to hold the space for her.

….she is deep in the summoning of life…

…I am caught in two worlds…

 The emergency operator is a good woman, filled with good intention, I have no doubt about that, I can hear it in her voice, I can feel it in the moment

…but this is not an emergency,

 this is perfect… or should be perfect

 “Yes baby that is the way keep breathing” another intense wave passes, “do you need some water?”

 20 minutes pass in a whirlwind of managing emergency services, calling our sister to care for our children and mustering everything I have left to hold the space for mum, to allow her to stay deep in the other world.

 Two burly men arrive, they are good men, kind men who show my goddess the honour and respect she deserves, they too are in awe of her. The baby is coming…

 the intensity drops off for a moment and she decides to move to the ambulance…

the waters break…
Breathe

…the head crowns

Breathe

…the head is born

Breathe

…The baby is born

I hold my breath

…it seems like an eternity passes (a few seconds) until he gasps and lets out a shriek…

 Tears stream from my eyes, I am overcome with joy, relief, pride, gratitude and love.

 My heart is blown wide open,  utterly annihilated. As the obliteration subsides my capacity to love is left gaping wider than it has ever been, the expansion is irreversible… the moment incomparable

 I am in awe of her, so feminine and deep…

embodied and at the same time transcendent…

a sha-woman venturing into other worlds to summon the life of our son to this earth

 And so our son was borne at 00:20 in February 2015 in an ambulance parked outside of our house.

 In spite of the dramatic circumstances the birth was serene and beautiful. The mood in the ambulance was extremely calm, even buoyant. We had a home birth, just not the one we were expecting.

 Our daughter awoke that morning to discover her new brother, we hugged together the four of us on the couch. These are the happiest moments of my life!